On my first day of leave I took a nap, took a prenatal yoga class (my first of this pregnancy), and took another nap. On my second day of leave, I did the Sunday crossword puzzle (because really, who can do the Sunday crossword on Sunday when you have a four-year-old jumping all over the sofa you’re attempting to recline on?), ordered swaddling blankets and … Continue reading I’m not disabled, I’m pregnant. (36 weeks)
I have a hard time gaining weight. I don’t mean physically, of course – my running obsession has its roots in what was a heartbreaking late-twenties metabolic shift that made putting on weight about as easy as opening the refrigerator door. I mean I have a hard time gaining weight mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and in all the other ways available that might make my fattening … Continue reading Fat (21 weeks)
Portrait of me as a professional woman: running the meeting in high-heeled booties and a tailored dress; leather bound iPad in one hand, shiny travel mug latte in the other, brown leather tote keeping all my handouts clean and in order; hair tousled to perfection, skin blotted to natural matte, shiny red lips; articulate to a T. Portrait of me as a mother to a … Continue reading Mom at Work (20 weeks)
Yesterday I saw my son’s penis. It was a routine ultrasound. Here’s his head, here are his ears. There’s his heart, there his liver. And there, unmistakable between the legs, his penis. Having a girl is easy. I knew from the start how I was going to raise her, where I wanted her gender compass to be and how I would help her get there … Continue reading Boy Power (12 weeks)
Throughout my life, I’ve had the good fortune to spend time with a lot of successful people. Men, women. Americans, Greeks. Artists, attorneys. Women, men. And most especially women. I have known and I have admired successful career women, successful creative women, and successful mothers. I’ve known so many strong, successful women, in fact, that I almost have come to believe that success comes easy … Continue reading Models and Molds
This year for Halloween, I’m dressing my daughter as a boy. Or not a boy, exactly, but in a costume meant for a boy, complete with bulging biceps and puffed up superhero chest. Other options included the standards: sexy bumble bee, unzipped nurse (did real nurse scrubs ever even come with a zipper neckline?), miniskirt Minnie Mouse, or a bunch of princess characters that are … Continue reading Sexy Baby
There is no education in gender role conditioning like the one you get upon giving birth to a girl. And I’m not talking pink or princesses, though that’s a part of it. I’m talking about mom, or me as mother, or what the role of me as mother conjures up in expectations and in reenactments, and the constant struggle to understand that nature versus nurture … Continue reading In Praise of Partners (ps: I love you Moonbear)
I like big thighs. Big bottoms too. And wide, firm hips, strong calves, and powerful cores. But mostly, right now, it’s the thighs that have me thinking. If you read this blog regularly, you probably know that I’ve got some hangups about my body, and some issues with what constitutes beautiful in this unique (though maybe not abnormal) culture of Los Angeles where I’ve spent … Continue reading I Like Big Thighs.
Most of the time, I feel like one of those moms that has figured it out. I excel in a job that is demanding. I run three or four days a week and I dress pretty well. I don’t quite splurge but take pretty good care of myself. I usually manage to be totally present when I’m with my daughter, and manage to spend a … Continue reading Sometimes having it all means not having it all.
On Sundays I run. I run two or three (or on a really good week, four) other days a week, but those long Sunday runs are sacred – every time out is another extended attempt at peace, a slow, sweaty slog until I hit mile three or four or six when finally all of the energy, all of the motion creates quiet in my mind. … Continue reading I feel bad about my butt.