No baby yet. But, this happened:
I imagine this is more or less how I’ll feel once baby boy has made his journey into the world outside my uterus and I’ve regained full physical autonomy, or maybe at least how I’ll feel in my dreams as I snatch precious little bits of sleep.
But for now, I wait. I wait. I sleep. I cross tasks off my lists. I sleep some more. I watch Mozart in the Jungle. I sleep. I wake up and wait some more.
We are all feeling restless, especially perhaps my daughter. She waffles in and out of excitement and anxiety, one minute kissing my belly and telling her brother all about her day, the next minute throwing herself on the floor because no one is paying attention to her and she fears no one ever will pay attention to her again (no, I’m not projecting, she is actually emotionally aware enough to explain the motivations behind her bad behaviors). Maybe these vacillations are why that rope swing felt so good – a physical expression of the seesawing going on in her head.
It’ll be a few weeks yet before I can get back to anything nearly so physically freeing, but I’m vacillating all the same. One moment ready to meet my son posthaste, the next minute sweating bullets about every last thing that is still unknown or unready. And while my daughter gets to sweat it out with swings and soccer balls, the best I can do is to stay patient, keep my cool, and make the most of this limbo.